Why Do We Hate Ourselves?
As a 21st century woman, I have realised that me and many of my fellow women on this planet hate the person that stares back at the mirror. And I have found a couple reasons when I was contemplating about what could have caused this.
1. Happy are the ignorant
First off, this might come off interesting but I have slowly began to understand that the more uneducated a woman is the more she believes she is da shit. The simpler the better.
Of course, that might be painful for her surroundings to listen to all that life changing stupidity leaving her mouth, but she is happy. Being dumb only hurts others.
But the more educated the woman the more we question ourselves. I have seen mothers who have been more educated than most, being part of a happy marriage and not having a thing to worry about financially are still stand front of that mirror gripping at the tiny piece of fat on their hips, pulling on their face to make the laugh lines disappear just for a moment...
But I have also seen a woman in her 50s, toothless, hairless, a straight up makeup disaster dressed in all cheetah printed jammies walking on the street like she shat the Italian wax. And that is the type of confidence I wish to all the women out there, because that is how you should carry yourself.
2. That one Ex
We all have that one ex in ourselves that made us feel like a worthless piece of shit. I am telling you this is the saddest part about the self hate that all women carry around deep down.
There is just so much more to the World than a simple asshole who cheats or tells you that he doesn't think you are worthy of his attention. I mean surely, the internet is overflowing with articles about this whole love yourself bullshit, but we all know that by telling yourself this you won't achieve it. Which brings me to my 3rd point.
3. The internet
They are constantly telling you that you should love yourself no matter how fat, ugly, boring, average, dirty or whatever you are. I have been constantly disturbed by articles like "oh you have been wearing the same underwear for a week? Don't worry, we all do it". NO. That is gross. Many of these articles glorify behaviour that is very harmful to the body. Obviously I am guilty of some of these behaviour patterns as well, like binge watching or binge eating, but there are more extremes out there like the one mentioned above which should not be commercialized... like EVER.. never ever.
But at the same time the internet is telling us that we should look a certain way. To have full lips and lashes that brush our perfectly on fleek eyebrows. I have seen women having surgeries to fit this mold wayyy earlier than they should have. Like Nicole Saus who had a nose job at 16, pushing her parents into debt to change her appearance because of bullying.
I mean surely we should teach our children not to be assholes and bully but honestly I think the parents who let these things happen are also at fault. I mean sure it must have been awful to grow up with a larger than average nose, but when you don't stop and think about your family and selfishly push them into debt AND THEY LET YOU, there is just really a lot of problems.
Instagram and other social media websites just made it possible to have such shallow things like appearance overweight the importance of level of education, likes and dislikes and personality.
I think we need to stop a little and slow down, because that little fat that is at your bellies or those stretchmarks do not define the person we are inside.
4. There is Just Always Someone Better
Someone who is better at what we believe we are good at. Which is inevitably true by the rules of the numbers. But is that such a bad thing? We need to understand that a skill is a skill. If you are good at it, it really doesn't matter who is better at it. For example there are many artists who are great, and some of them are greater than others, but all of them get by. Simply because they do it their own way: someone might be better but you do it your way and maybe someone prefers your way. Let it be a job skill or a personal life skill...
5. Ghost of the Past
We all carry a baggage that we cannot get rid of. Let it be a judgemental parent or partner (as mentioned above)... hell, maybe both. That cannot be changed, we can't just cut out a piece of memory we don't want to have anymore. No matter how badly we want it gone. We have to make peace with that monster under the bed that creeps out at our low moments resulting in the questionable disappearance of an innocent pint of ice cream.... (resulting even more insecurities). But it is way more easier said than done.
People say that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. But sometimes life sends you a $100 mystery box off of youtube filled with dirty laundry and parts of a broken iPhone that you can't even wipe your ass with.
On the better days, that is okay and you think you learned to deal with it. On worst days it just creeps back out. I think that is okay. That is how it should be.
All in all, I think those articles that the media force-feeds us about self love are crap. We won't get better just because someone told us so. Especially if they show what is wrong with us on the next page... but what I believe is that we all have those better days. We do not need to love ourselves ALL THE TIME. It is okay to see what is wrong with our bodies to at least make an effort to change for the better. Instead of this all love yourself campaign we should teach our children that it is okay not to be okay, but no matter what you matter. But most of all: even if you cannot love the person that you are, you should never hate yourself.
1. Happy are the ignorant
First off, this might come off interesting but I have slowly began to understand that the more uneducated a woman is the more she believes she is da shit. The simpler the better.
Of course, that might be painful for her surroundings to listen to all that life changing stupidity leaving her mouth, but she is happy. Being dumb only hurts others.
But the more educated the woman the more we question ourselves. I have seen mothers who have been more educated than most, being part of a happy marriage and not having a thing to worry about financially are still stand front of that mirror gripping at the tiny piece of fat on their hips, pulling on their face to make the laugh lines disappear just for a moment...
But I have also seen a woman in her 50s, toothless, hairless, a straight up makeup disaster dressed in all cheetah printed jammies walking on the street like she shat the Italian wax. And that is the type of confidence I wish to all the women out there, because that is how you should carry yourself.
2. That one Ex
We all have that one ex in ourselves that made us feel like a worthless piece of shit. I am telling you this is the saddest part about the self hate that all women carry around deep down.
There is just so much more to the World than a simple asshole who cheats or tells you that he doesn't think you are worthy of his attention. I mean surely, the internet is overflowing with articles about this whole love yourself bullshit, but we all know that by telling yourself this you won't achieve it. Which brings me to my 3rd point.
3. The internet
They are constantly telling you that you should love yourself no matter how fat, ugly, boring, average, dirty or whatever you are. I have been constantly disturbed by articles like "oh you have been wearing the same underwear for a week? Don't worry, we all do it". NO. That is gross. Many of these articles glorify behaviour that is very harmful to the body. Obviously I am guilty of some of these behaviour patterns as well, like binge watching or binge eating, but there are more extremes out there like the one mentioned above which should not be commercialized... like EVER.. never ever.
But at the same time the internet is telling us that we should look a certain way. To have full lips and lashes that brush our perfectly on fleek eyebrows. I have seen women having surgeries to fit this mold wayyy earlier than they should have. Like Nicole Saus who had a nose job at 16, pushing her parents into debt to change her appearance because of bullying.
I mean surely we should teach our children not to be assholes and bully but honestly I think the parents who let these things happen are also at fault. I mean sure it must have been awful to grow up with a larger than average nose, but when you don't stop and think about your family and selfishly push them into debt AND THEY LET YOU, there is just really a lot of problems.
Instagram and other social media websites just made it possible to have such shallow things like appearance overweight the importance of level of education, likes and dislikes and personality.
I think we need to stop a little and slow down, because that little fat that is at your bellies or those stretchmarks do not define the person we are inside.
4. There is Just Always Someone Better
Someone who is better at what we believe we are good at. Which is inevitably true by the rules of the numbers. But is that such a bad thing? We need to understand that a skill is a skill. If you are good at it, it really doesn't matter who is better at it. For example there are many artists who are great, and some of them are greater than others, but all of them get by. Simply because they do it their own way: someone might be better but you do it your way and maybe someone prefers your way. Let it be a job skill or a personal life skill...
5. Ghost of the Past
We all carry a baggage that we cannot get rid of. Let it be a judgemental parent or partner (as mentioned above)... hell, maybe both. That cannot be changed, we can't just cut out a piece of memory we don't want to have anymore. No matter how badly we want it gone. We have to make peace with that monster under the bed that creeps out at our low moments resulting in the questionable disappearance of an innocent pint of ice cream.... (resulting even more insecurities). But it is way more easier said than done.
People say that when life gives you lemons make lemonade. But sometimes life sends you a $100 mystery box off of youtube filled with dirty laundry and parts of a broken iPhone that you can't even wipe your ass with.
On the better days, that is okay and you think you learned to deal with it. On worst days it just creeps back out. I think that is okay. That is how it should be.
All in all, I think those articles that the media force-feeds us about self love are crap. We won't get better just because someone told us so. Especially if they show what is wrong with us on the next page... but what I believe is that we all have those better days. We do not need to love ourselves ALL THE TIME. It is okay to see what is wrong with our bodies to at least make an effort to change for the better. Instead of this all love yourself campaign we should teach our children that it is okay not to be okay, but no matter what you matter. But most of all: even if you cannot love the person that you are, you should never hate yourself.
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